Waiting

I am waiting for the day when one negative, or perceived negative comment doesn't plunge me into the depths of nervousness, thoughts of my dumbness or ineptitude, or general lack of feeling like I'm in the wrong. Even when logically I know I am doing all I can and would never deliberately hurt someone or leave someone out, one stupid thing makes me feel like I've got it all wrong. Take for instance today, a parent of  a student wants to meet with me over concern about their son. I should be glad that a parent is wanting to meet, noticing issues, but I'm immediately thinking "I must be a horrible teacher, they are seeing something I'm not....what did I do wrong?" I'm looking through work, asking questions, just sure I've let this kiddo down and his whole life will end up in shambles. 

Now, yes logically I know that is not the case. I can even find mountains of evidence of success on his part and ways he is getting the help he needs. So, I do what I have come to turn to when I get overly anxious over nothing. No, not medication, although that may help as well. I pray. I know that those negative attacks aren't "me" speaking and they certainly aren't God. I know that God doesn't use guilt and negativity to bring about shame. Amazingly enough, when I pray, I feel better, a weight is lifted. Sometimes permanently, sometimes only temporarily, then I pray again. But I am learning. No, I'm not perfect. Yes, I do make mistakes. But, I strive to do all that I do in a way that is pleasing to God. By doing this, I know that even when I fall short, the guilt and anxiety has no place in my life, and a few simple words can alleviate that. And for that I say "Yay God! Woop woop!"