I don't understand..

I just finished watching one of the amazing DVD's from Discovery Channel's Planet Earth series. I was lucky enough to win the whole series at a Discovery Educator Network -DEN. conference. The pictures and information is absolutely amazing. There are many examples of situations that were recorded for the first time due to advances in technology.

But, enough about that. The part I don't understand is how someone can watch the amazing way that animals thrive and survive in some of the harshest and most barren land on the planet and say there is no God. When I am watching and seeing fish, crabs, bears, seals, turtles, and a multitude of other animals finding food, migrating thousands of miles, changing colors for camoflauge, and using their physical characteristics to thrive in their environment, I am more sure than ever that it truly is the work of God. I just can't even fathom the idea that all of that would have come from random genetic mutations over millions of years, or that all of the diversity on our planet would have sprung up from some huge explosion billions of years ago. 

I know there are plenty of scientists out there who would disagree, and say they have the evidence to prove it is all random and there is no Creator. But, I still don't think they can answer the questions If there is no Creator, then where did the world come from? What caused the Big Bang? How did we get something (the world and all that is in it) out of nothing?

Spring Cleaning

It is Spring Break in the fair state of Oregon, and I am spending most of it cleaning. I don't really mind, it is something that I need to do and I know the work will pay off in the end. I have been pretty busy lately and have been doing more rearranging of piles rather than actual cleaning. It ends up looking ok on the surface, but open a cupboard, closet, or a closed door and you'll find the mess I tried so hard to hide. 

As I was cleaning, I started thinking about life and God and how I am trying to live a life that is pleasing to Him, rather than always thinking about myself. I realized then that there are a lot of corelations to spring cleaning. When I have a lot going on, my spiritual life becomes much like my home. I tend to do the bare minimum to keep up the appearence of being on track, but really I'm kind of  a mess. I can only keep it up for so long, and it becomes more work than I can keep up with. 

When it becomes too much, I realize, sometimes reluctantly or when I am faced with no other options, that it is time to do something and get back on track or "cleaned out". This is where it gets tough, because I know it is going to get a whole lot messier before it gets better. Once I start really taking time to work through things with God, often things tend to get harder and more difficult before they begin to get better. Like several times this week when I was cleaning out cupboards, I get to the point where I just want to shove it all back in and pretend it is clean for a litte while longer. I also ask myself why I let things get so messy again, when it is so easy to stay on top of things with daily devotion. Sure, there are times when I have to set aside some time for the big jobs, but it is much easier when I get there. 

If, when, I learn to truly set aside time each day to spend with the Lord, I hope that I can be more in tune with when things are falling apart and hear God's voice when he is calling my attention to something so that I can begin to work on it and continue my journey to becoming the woman God wants me to be. 

CS Lewis said "After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again." I love this quote because it reminds me that I can always try again, it is all part of the learning process. If I give up, and just shove everything back into the closet then I miss out on the most important part of the process. 

Sun or reason 999 why I love Oregon

Just when I begin to wonder why I ever got tired of the sun and missed the rain when I lived in California, (since Christmas we've had 15 days without rain and over 10 days where it rained .5 inches or more), we get a day like today. The sun is shining, birds are singing, the sky is a beautiful shade of blue, and I realize without all that rain, I wouldn't even enjoy today and all its beauty. I went for a run and was noticing all the signs of life I hadn't noticed yet this year. There are flowers blooming, the trees are budding, the tulips on my patio are coming up, and it just smells like life and spring outside. I could even see Mt. Hood all covered with snow for the first time in a very long time. Too bad I didn't have my camera on my run. 

It makes me so excited for the coming spring, to feel the air getting warmer and warmer as summer approaches. Sure, right now as I'm sitting on my patio, it is a little chilly outside, but the sun is still shining. Sure, after today according to the weather forecast, we will be having clouds and rain for the foreseeable future, but today, today is sunny and I am loving it. This little shot of sunlight will invigorate me until I see it again.

So, in case you haven't guessed, it's sunny and I love it. But I am well aware that it is the copious amount of rain that preceded the sun that makes it so enjoyable. I'm sure there's a lesson about God in there somewhere. 

Waiting

I am waiting for the day when one negative, or perceived negative comment doesn't plunge me into the depths of nervousness, thoughts of my dumbness or ineptitude, or general lack of feeling like I'm in the wrong. Even when logically I know I am doing all I can and would never deliberately hurt someone or leave someone out, one stupid thing makes me feel like I've got it all wrong. Take for instance today, a parent of  a student wants to meet with me over concern about their son. I should be glad that a parent is wanting to meet, noticing issues, but I'm immediately thinking "I must be a horrible teacher, they are seeing something I'm not....what did I do wrong?" I'm looking through work, asking questions, just sure I've let this kiddo down and his whole life will end up in shambles. 

Now, yes logically I know that is not the case. I can even find mountains of evidence of success on his part and ways he is getting the help he needs. So, I do what I have come to turn to when I get overly anxious over nothing. No, not medication, although that may help as well. I pray. I know that those negative attacks aren't "me" speaking and they certainly aren't God. I know that God doesn't use guilt and negativity to bring about shame. Amazingly enough, when I pray, I feel better, a weight is lifted. Sometimes permanently, sometimes only temporarily, then I pray again. But I am learning. No, I'm not perfect. Yes, I do make mistakes. But, I strive to do all that I do in a way that is pleasing to God. By doing this, I know that even when I fall short, the guilt and anxiety has no place in my life, and a few simple words can alleviate that. And for that I say "Yay God! Woop woop!"

The Fast

This week, my church did an all church fast. It wasn't necessarily to be a food fast, but could really be giving up anything that takes up too much of our time or allows us to put time with God on the back burner. At the first mention of a fast, I had some strong emotions. I thought, isn't that a little crazy, fasting, seems a little zealous to me. But, I thought, prayed, and thought and prayed some more about it, and realized it wasn't such a crazy idea. I'll come right out and admit, I didn't make it too long without food. Even though I said I would eat fruits, vegetables, and protein at dinner, I still only made it until midmorning on Tuesday. That was when I was trying to teach a lesson on multiplication, snapping at my poor third graders, with a raging headache, and I realized I had been talking in circles all morning; no wonder they were so confused. So, mental note to self, don't fast and teach the intricacies of multiplication at the same time. 

What I did manage to fast from, was the internet, all drinks other than water and tea, and eating after dinner. I don't know if the eating after dinner one counts, but it was probably my hardest one. I did spend more time in prayer, reading my Bible, and just generally thinking about God and what he has for me in the coming months. I came to realize how much I use my computer at home as a distraction from dealing with the things that need to be dealt with. I also realized how much I use food as comfort and eat without even really thinking about it or being hungry. Finally, I believe I was able to get some clarity on what I am doing this summer and why I am doing it. 

My biggest struggle was deciding if I had agreed to go on the Mexico mission trip with the high school students because I thought it sounded fun and I like Mexico, or if I was going because God really wanted me to go and has a plan for what will happen there. Since I am also going to Rwanda at the end of the summer, I was worried it might be too much. Tonight, we had a "break the fast" soup dinner and worship time at church. While we were singing, I was still praying about Mexico. I had a feeling of peace come over me about my decision to go, that yes, it was God's plan, and yes it is what he has for me this summer. I know that in the month between trips, I will receive the rest I need to prepare for the trip. It will be a busy summer, but it will also be the summer of a lifetime.  I don't know what will happen, or how it will go, but I do feel that going to Mexico is what God has for me this summer. 

Temple

In church, we are currently going through a series called "Body for God". The basic gist is that our bodies were created by God and how we use them can bring glory to Him. The first week was our body as far as being a neglector or a worshiper. A neglector doesn't work out, eat right, etc. basically neglects, thinking that it doesn't really matter anyway. A worshiper is one who works out daily, never allows for little treats, puts physical appearance above all else, etc. As humans, we naturally find ourselves somewhere along the continuum. 

What got me the most was something that I had actually been thinking about on some of my boring 3 mile treadmill runs at 5:15 AM. No, I'm not a worshipper, I will gladly give up my workout if I have even a hint of an excuse. Basically if my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, then I should most definitely be taking care of it. I am supposed to honor God with my body which is hard to do when I feel lethargic and lazy. Hearing this has actually helped me to be more clear in my goals for being healthy and pushing myself to get in my weekly workouts. Although, feeling good is a definite benefit from a healthy lifestyle; knowing that I am making myself available to do whatever or go wherever it is that God may have for me is the real prize.

This summer, I have the opportunity to go on a couple of mission trips; one is to Mexico, the other to Rwanda. I haven't made any final decisions yet, and don't even have all of the details, but I know a huge component of either trip will be physical and emotional work. It feels good to know that choices I am making now are helping to prepare me for those opportunities, or any other opportunity that may come my way.

It's Friday, it's Friday, it's my favorite day!

Whew! First Friday of the new year. At first I was cranky that I had to go back on the second, but now I'm seeing the beauty of it. I get to ease back into the school week. When I woke up this morning, I thought how glad I was that it was Friday after only three days of work. So, next week won't seem as long with it's full 5 days. 

I thought of a few things to add to my 2007 highlights list:

Carbon Leaf concert

Onion booth

seeing the Grand Canyon

Volunteering

Squeezing chubby babies in the infant room

Reading

Getting a new iPod

Sitting in the sun at Newport Beach

Ok, my brain is done working again. It is Friday after all.